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When news broke that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it thrust substance use disorder back into the public spotlight. However, families grappling with a loved one’s substance use fear the discussion will focus on an extremely uncommon act of violence rather than the more widespread risks of the condition.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the developments. They only knew the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to opioids and later illicit drugs, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehab and jail. After a long and painful struggle, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just tragic,” states Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones didn’t survive the illness of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a family member’s addiction, housing instability from addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to hospitalization or death, according to recent data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or 48.4 million people, had a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how influential you are,” stated Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is worried that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg added.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really a threat and the potential for harming others.”

She also cautioned against making assumptions about the alleged role of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is unclear whether drugs or psychological distress were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and this condition, and create a narrative to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may lead to agitation, a brutal act like a double homicide is exceptionally rare.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything remotely close to violent behavior. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is far more probable to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not directed at their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get a phone call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was not breathing; from jail, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle loneliness—questioning whether the addiction stemmed from some mistake they made; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and dreading the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be perfectly happy one day and in despair the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are able to become sober.

“Just as you can get over any other type of illness, you can overcome this disease, too. You can recover and be successful,” said Grover. “If you try and you fail, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a university education, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll take it and take it.”