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Something took place during last Saturday’s soccer match – and it turned out to be far from funny. My team, West Brom, had been outplaying their opponents yet failing to managing to score a point. Usually, as the latter part progressed, I’d typically given in to gloom, believing that despite the team’s dominance, we’d not score, while the opposition somehow would, leaving me miserable. However on this day, I truly thought victory was going to be ours. Until this thing occurred.

The Bizarre Halt in the Game

The action abruptly stopped, for reasons which remained at first unclear. A few players were looking at something resting on the pitch. Cautiously, uneasily, they edged nearer to whatever lay there. Strange. Since binoculars are not available on the backs of seats in stadiums, it was impossible to make out it. Eventually, a member of the ground staff arrived, equipped with protective gloves. He walked onto the middle of the pitch, picked it , heading back whence he came holding half a pigeon – lifeless, naturally.

Indeed, half a dead pigeon dropped from the skies on to our pitch. My first thought wasn’t to the bird’s condition, nor even where it had fallen from. All I could think of concerned that the game had turned against us. There’s not a football team in the world able to survive such an obvious portent of doom. Part of a dead animal falling from the sky? Ye gods, I’ve seen some horrible occurrences at West Brom, but nothing as bad as this. I haven’t seen the famous series, yet I imagine that’s exactly what happens there constantly.

The Bird of Prey Revelation

I asked a team representative what had happened. It turns out we’ve long had a bird of prey residing high up in our West Stand. I was told it often dines on birds and drops the remains below. Yet not, until now, during games. A world sinister possibilities crowd into my thoughts. Why not coach it to release its prey onto rival attackers when they approach the net? Or perhaps, in desperation, nip at opponents? That’s the bare minimum the falcon can do for us after that disaster.

An Predictable Outcome

Oh yes, I should have said, the half-pigeon of misfortune ensured that the opponents actually win, with their only on-target shot all game. And I went home miserable.