The Advice from A Dad Which Rescued Me as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the actual experience quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her main carer as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good place. You require some help. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mothers and about PND, less is said about the challenges new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a broader inability to open up amongst men, who continue to internalise harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a show of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a break - spending a short trip abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the expression of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, tell a trusted person, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - a good diet, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I believe my role is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."